THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS


Stage #1 -- Smart

This is when you suddenly become
an expert on every subject. You
know all and greatly wish to
express this knowledge to anyone who
will listen.  At this stage you
are also always right.  And of course
the person you are talking with
is very wrong.  You will talk for
hours trying to convince someone
that you are right. This makes for
an
interesting argument when both
parties are "smart".  Two people
talking, in fact, arguing about a
subject neither one really knows anything
about, but are convinced that they are
they complete authority on the
subject makes for great entertainment
for those get the opportunity to
listen in.

Stage #2 -- Handsome/Pretty

This is when you are convinced
that you are the best looking person in
the entire room and everyone is
 looking at you.  You begin to wink at
perfect strangers and ask them
to dance because of course they
had been admiring you the whole evening. 
You are the center of attention, and all
eyes are directed at you because you are
the most beautiful thing on the
face of the earth.  Now keep in mind that
 you are still smart, so you can
talk to this person who has been admiring
you about any and all subjects
under the sun.

Stage #3 -- Rich

This is when you suddenly become
the richest person in the world. You can
buy drinks for the entire bar and
put it on your bill because you surely
have an armored truck full of
your money parked behind the bar. You can
also make bets in this stage. 
Now of course you still know all, so you
will always win all your bets. 
And you have no concern for how much
money you bet because you have all the
money in the world. You will also
begin to buy drinks for all the people
in the bar who are admiring you
because you are now the smartest, prettiest,
 and richest person on the
face of the earth.

Stage #4 -- Bulletproof

You can now pick fights with
the people you have been betting money with
because you cannot be hurt by
 anything. At this point you
would go up to
the boyfriend of the woman who
had been admiring your beautiful self
all evening and challenge him
to a battle of wits for money. You have no
worry about losing this battle
of wits because you know all, have all
the money to cover this bet,
and you obviously win a fight that might
erupt if he looses.

Stage #5  -- Invisible

This is the final stage
of drunkenness.  At this point
 you can do absolutely anything
because no one can see you.
You can get up and dance
on a table; you can strip down
to your underwear, to impress
the people who have been admiring
 you all evening, because
the rest of the people
in the room cannot see you.
 You are also invisible to the person whom
you have picked a fight with
 earlier in the evening.
You can walk through
the streets singing at the top
of your lungs (because of course you are
still smart and know the tune perfectly)
and no one will think anything
of it because they can't see you.
All your social inhibitions are
gone. You can do anything,
because no one will know.

And you certainly won't remember !